I am at my wits end. I know this might not seem to be a big problem for you but I can’t stand it. I have 3 children. I have a 15 year old stepson, 9 year old son, and a 6 year old daughter. My stepson use to live with me and we ALWAYS had a problem with him lying. It started when he was about 5. He is now 15 and still lies so of course we hardly believe a word he says. We have never been able to get him out of it. Now I am starting to have the exact problem with my 6 year old daughter. I just don’t know what to do. One thing I can’t stand is liars. I realize they are llittle lies and she does it to stay out of trouble and I keep explaining that doesn’t help it makes it worse. But she is still doing it. I don’t know what else to do I can’t have another liar in the family. I can’t even believe the oldest and now I am afraid I am going to have the same problem with my daughter. What can I do?
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You are making this all about you. It is not your problem, it is your daughter’s problem. She is very young and children really believe deep down that if they want something to be true badly enough, well, it is.
You have to put it back on her, so she is the one that is troubled by it. When she lies to you, you need to say "I’m sad that you felt like you couldn’t be honest with me. I need to know you are being honest with me so I can trust you."
Explain to her that as she gets older she will want to do more and more things on her own, and you need to know you can trust her with the responsibility. For instance if you tell her she can ride her bike around the block, but she goes too far, you can say, "I think maybe you weren’t quite ready. So for the next couple of weeks we’ll try just riding your bike on our street, then we’ll see if we both think you are ready to go a little farther". You are giving her the responsibility to help decide what she is ready for. The say with outright lies. "I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me the truth. It might be a while before I know I can trust you." The more questioning you do, the more opportunities you give your child to explain away why it wasn’t "really" a lie.
In the meantime, do NOT compare her to any other child. This is a self fulfilling prophecy. If you say "You are just like __________, then you can count on her little brain processing that as "I should watch him to see if I really am like thim, then I know who to model myself after". I know it sounds like a stretch, but it is true. You need to go out of your way to find positive things she says and does that you can compliment. Say things like "I just love it that you like to read so much, it just shows what a curious kid you are". "I just love the way you help your little brother find his shoes, it just proves what a team player you are."
And eventually "I am so happy I can trust you, I never have to worry about you making bad choices."
Good luck.
Everybody lies, even you are a liar. If you deny that, then you are just telling another lie.
well im not the most honest person youll find but i know that when somebody lies it has to be for a reason including not to get into anysort of trouble you shoudnt be teaching her to not lie you should be teaching her to not do whatever she is doing that causes her to lie!
Hmm…that’s a toughy. I have four children, and the two older ones (12 and 7) do lie on occasions, but not often. Whenever they lie about something (such as the other night when the tv was on), we sit them down and tell them that nothing ever comes good from lying, the punishment will be much more severe if they lie, and that we just want them to be open and honest with us. We tell them everyone makes mistakes, and that’s just part of growing up. But telling the truth is essential to start making up for the wrong they did. So far, it’s worked. Even if they do lie, whenever we talk to them, they end up telling us the truth.
I honestly don’t know what to do about your 15 year old unless maybe a really honest talk would help and to let you know you love him very much. With the 6 yr old, maybe you can start these talks earlier enough to help her.
There are sometimes when a doctor may be needed. My sis is law is a habitual liar (since she was young, and now she’s mid 20′s). It’s really bad. She would be talking to someone (w/ you right there) and say that you guys did things…when of course you know you never did. Or she’ll make up stories that never happened (even was pretending to be pregnant even tho she’d had an abortion). She has manic-depressive disorder, but she refuses to take medicine for it….so I do know how it feels when you can’t trust a word that comes out of someone’s mouth.
Hope things work out for you.
I know your situation that you are in. I went to school, and had a classmate, who lied all the time He would lie about everything in school and the teacher did not like him telling lies, especially when there are witnesses. One time he threw my folder on the floor in the classroom, and made a mess with all my papers scattered all over the floor, and another classmate saw it. Then I told another classmate, after she asked me what is wrong, and I told her that he lied again, and he added that he was lying (back then he was 18) since he was 4 so he does not get into trouble, and I almost told him that you get into more trouble if you lie.. What you should do with your 6 year old daughter is if she does tells a lie. (Example: Let’s say that your daughter hit your 9 year old son, and he tells you that she hit her, and she absolutely denies it, and lies about it) is take away a favorite toy that she likes to play with a lot, or even ground her, or put her in time out. THe more she lies the more you punish her, hopefully this will work out for you.