A friend of mine has 3 kids. A 9,(girl) 6,(boy), and 4(girl). Her and the children’s dad have been spilt up for 4 years now. She left him because he was manipulating, lying, and neglecting her and their kids. He would leave them alone in their rural home with no food, no car, no diapers, no phone, and not return for days. Over the past 6 months he has returned back into the picture. He is still the same person he was before, but has a girlfriend, a house, and a good job so my friend decided to let the kids start visiting him only because she feels like it isn’t right to keep them away because of their past problems. The 6yr old refuses to go each and every time and she doesn’t make him, but sometimes, the two girls go. This past weekend all three ended up going and on Sunday when he was suppose to bring them home he never showed. When she finally did get ahold of him he was in the process of pressing charges on her for child neglect, called social services and reported her………….
and also tried to get emergency temporary custody over the kids. She, at first thought that all of this was his doing, but soon found out that it was her 9yr old daughter whom came to him and told him that she drinks, she leaves them alone by them selves for hours, she is verbally abusive etc… But it is all an exagerated lie. She does have an occasional glass of wine at night. But just a glass, she does walk down to the neighbors house sometimes or to mine,( but we live in a duplex of townhomes) and I and the other neighbor only live a few doors down. Not even 35ft away. And she might stay for a few minutes but never hours. Plus the kids always know where she is at. She has never been verbally abusive, so that is a down and out lie, and she is extremely good to her children. She shows extreme patience with them, even when the two youngest are having tantrums, she is patient and understanding, she plays games with them, tries as much as possible to do little special things with them
When they get introuble she tries to to talk to them and explain what they did is wrong, and her punishments are never harsh. She doesn’t understand why her daughter did this to her, or what she has done for her daughter to be so angry with her for. The social service crap didn’t pan out because once the worker interviewed the kids seperately she realized that alot of the stuff was exagerated or just not true. But my friend still has to go before the court because the father pressed charges. My friend also has the 2 youngest children but the older girl, the one who made all this up does not want to come home. She won’t even speak to her mom, and when she does her whole entire tone and personality has changed. My friend doesn’t want to make things worse by making her come home, but she doesn’t want to give into her and give her her way either. Yesterday, when the child got off the bus here at hour duplex and was waiting for her dad to pick her up, her sister, the 4yr old went out to hug
she just pushed her away. I told my friend that maybe she should take the child to see a psychiatrist because the child’s aunt on the fathers side suffers from munchausen syndrome and he isn’t a peach either and maybe it is something hereditary or genetic. Also, once the younest children were returned home she found out the eldest who started all of this in the first place had whispered in their ears and coached them what to say when they got to the social service office.(that is for the comment of what does this have to do with lying and manipulating, because that is exactly what the child is doing) I am the care provider for these kids when the mother is at work, and I have noticed the oldest doing this on many occasions to get her way. I have even caught her at it. Do you think the child might need proffesional help?
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Children can do crazy things to get attention. Maybe she didn’t realise the implications when she told her dad all those lies, and was just trying to get attention. At 9 she will probably remember her parents split, whereas the other two probably dont. Maybe she resents her mother and blames her for her dad leaving, and now he’s back she wants him all to herself? She probably doesn’t want to go home for fear of what her mother will say, after all she is old enough to realise all the problems she has caused.
Counselling would probably benefit this child and the parents, as it will help them understand why she is doing these things.
Wow…so I take it you believe one of the children is lying to his/her dad about the home situation? If so, then social services will determine who’s lying…they’re pretty good at that sort of stuff. As long as mom doesn’t have a reason to worry, then she shouldn’t worry.
I would suggest your friend seek a lawyer who has a specialty in this sort of thing, preferably a female. I’m afraid the barn door is already open and the horses are out. Your friend will have her chance to go to court and should be well represented by a professional.
Children lie from time to time and a nine year old who has been in that kind of environment could be very good at it. However, we know that and so does everyone else.
It will be a hard row to hoe for your friend.
Oh boy. This girl sounds like a psychopath to me. I do not mean it in a derogatory way. Some just are. Right nor wrong. Man they can be a tough one to handle. I suggest you do a bit of research on this personality. It is scary stuff. They can turn families upside down. The other challenge is to get her father to be in concert with handling the situation. They are extremely manipulative and charming. Yuck. I hear when you say you hate to see anybody give into them. Problem is it is not that simple with them. I have a website that has a link on it I recommend you study – called Must Read. Hang in there.
Of course the child needs help. And I really don’t think it’s such a bad idea that she be separated from the other two kids for now. She could prove to be a very bad influence on them. She is already withholding affection because her sister did not follow her instructions to the letter with the social worker. As they all get older she may be more successful in manipulating them. Of course both parents need to be educated also in handling this type of child and if they can’t be united in anything else, present a united front before her. Then maybe she has a chance of becoming a balanced adult.
you should just leave this girl alone believe me i expierienced it before.